Fat days.

I gained 5 pounds.

I feel like this right now....
I feel like this right now….

This doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like I gained a bowling ball. It actually kind of sucks.

My clothes don’t fit right.

clothes dont fit

Looking in the mirror almost hurts.


I am constantly stuffed with food. I try to eat a healthy diet, but eating at least 2500 calories worth of broccoli, spinach and chicken breasts is not easy. (JK, I eat a lot of peanut butter) I eat dense foods a lot, and they fill me up too, but I still need to make a mental note of getting those calories.

I think I might just call the calorie thing quits. It is frustrating to eat when I am hungry, not eat enough, then make a mental note of how much I ate at the end of the day to come to the conclusion that it was not enough, and I must eat more to make up for it.

I wake up every morning without the hunger I love so much. (weird, I know) I just want to be normal. I want to get my period. I want to be the weight I was a month ago. I want to run 10 miles with ease. I want to do sprints with the college Marine guys. I want to work out vigorously. I want to eat healthy and count my macronutrients.

I am stuck in an eating disorder mentality. And. It. Sucks. I will just stick with intuitive eating

I feel fat. When I feel fat, I do this:

~ I look in the mirror and tell myself that God made me, therefore I am beautiful, because everything he makes is beautiful.

~ I remind myself that I ran 13.1 miles in 2:00:17. Wow.

~ I remind myself that I am more than my looks.

~ I remind myself that I am healthy.

~ I am doing this for a reason: Overcome amenorrhea once and for all!

~ Screw you eating disordered mind!

Then my moment of “fatness” is over, and I admire my legs (my favorite physical asset of myself).

God loves me, and he reminds me of this every day. Why do I treat Him with such disrespect by hating the way He created me?

P.S. Sorry that this is all over, but I needed to vent.


Recovering with Happiness!

A big part of recovering from H.A. is staying relaxed and letting your body know that it is safe.

The reason we want to do this is because when we are stressed, our brains send out a hormone called cortisol. When this hormone is sent out, the hypothalamus stops sending GnRH, FSH, and LH to the ovaries. This inhibits them to produce estrogen and progesterone to make eggs, and reproduce properly. (This is in a nutshell)

Pituitaryadrenalfemale reproductive

So to reduce stress, we want the “happy hormones” to be sent to our hypothalamus, thus letting it know that it is in fact safe to reproduce, and our body is okay to hold another being inside of us. (Once again, in a nutshell)

Here Is what I want to do, and what I want you to do, if you are in the same boat.


  • I want to make a list of some things to do that make you happy! Go do at least one of them once a day.

For me, a few of these things include:

~ Reading. I can read for hours. Give me a couch, blanket, hot chocolate, and a good book. Life complete.

~ Cooking. Enjoy doing it now, then enjoy eating it later.

~ Music! Listening to happy music always lifts the mood. Consider doing this in the morning to start the day off right.

~ Coffee houses. I can sit in a coffee house for hours and read, or chat, or do homework, or blog.

just felt like adding this
just felt like adding this
  • Take time for yourself to think and sort out your day. This may help sort out any fuzziness that you have going on inside of your brain.
  • Appreciate something once a day. My aunt Laura told me something that she does that I will never forget. Every day, at least once a day, she takes a couple of minutes to appreciate something that she thinks is fun or cool or beautiful or admirable. A sunset. A hummingbird. A song. A painting. All of God’s world has a lot of things to admire. Go out and look. This gives me a sense of “There is more to the world than me, so why should I worry about myself so much?”
  • Eat foods that promote “happy hormones” –
  1. Grass Fed Beef
  2. Blue Potato
  3. Greek yogurt
  4. Sweet potato
  5. Bananas
  6. Chocolate
  7. Beets
  8. Salmon
  9. Beans
  10. Oysters
  11. Asparagus
  12. Cheese
  13. Honey
  14. Whole Grains
  15. Eggs
  16. Spinach
  17. Cherry Tomatoes
  18. Walnuts
  19. Coconut
  20. Turkey


The moral of the story is to do things that make you happy and relieve your stress. The more that we do this, the better it is for us! Give it time, and enjoy life!

God Bless!

Protein Pancakes with chocolate peanut butter protein glaze and strawberries, followed by some chai tea!

Food for HA recovery!

When I was recovering the first time, I wanted to know everything that the other women did to recover from amenorrhea. I would look at posts of what they ate throughout the day, and what supplements they took, and what their daily routine was, so I may mimic it for optimal results.

This helped me to see that other women were willing to venture from their eating disorderly habits. What helped most was listening to what my body was craving at the moment, whether that be sugar, fats, pickles, cereal, whatever! I would do as it requested. Your body knows you better than you think!

(To the ones recovering: At first, you will be eating sugar and cookies, or chips and fries like crazy, but that is because you were deprived for so long. Let yourself do this. It wont become a habit. Trust me. Your body will get sick of these things and you will start eating them in moderation, because that is all that your body will crave them anymore. You body will balance out as you learn to listen to it. If it wants spinach, eat it! If it wants cottage cheese, eat it! If it wants peanut butter, candy, chips, soup, chocolate, cereal, whatever!!! EAT! As you listen to your body, it will all become moderation.)


“I am tired. . .” Means don’t go lift weights.

“I want something in my belly.” usually means I am thirsty, first. After you have drunk something, and you still feel that little hunger signal, eat.

“I am ready for a new day!” Means try to be productive today!

You get the gist of it. Love yourself like you love your best friend.

best friend

So here is what my normal day of eating looks like:


Protein Pancakes with chocolate peanut butter protein glaze and strawberries, followed by some chai tea!
Protein Pancakes with chocolate peanut butter protein glaze and strawberries, followed by some chai tea!



Chocolate Mint Life Choice bar and Rice Chex, plus some more tea!
Chocolate Mint Life Choice bar and Rice Chex, plus some more tea!


Split pea soup and an apple (plus a small piece of birthday cake,  not pictured)
Split pea soup and an apple (plus a small piece of birthday cake, not pictured)


Cereal, for the win!
Cereal, for the win!


Went to Chili's with my wonderful mother!! 6 oz. steak with broccoli, plus I stole some sweet potato fries from my mom. Cause she needed help. I am always there for her ;)
Went to Chili’s with my wonderful mother!! 6 oz. steak with broccoli, plus I stole some sweet potato fries from my mom. Cause she needed help. I am always there for her ;)

Dessert: We went for a froyo, but I scarfed it up too fast for a picture. . . oops.

This all averages out to about 2500 calories, if I were to guess, but I try not to count anymore. I have been very hungry lately because my body is still in starvation mode. It is starting to realize that I am okay with feeding it properly, though, so it is calming down, slowly.

That is the average day in a life of HA recovery. I did no walking or lifting that day. Just some Yoga in the morning, and that is it! Life is good. God gave us food, so let us thank Him and eat!

God Bless!

Another senior picture!

Not shipping soon = H.A. recovery time.

I was originally not going to attempt to recover from amenorrhea before I shipped off to Boot Camp, but considering that (due to my higher-up M.O.S.) I will not be shipping off for nearly a year, I might as well take a couple months off of heavy training and try to recover from this amenorrhea and share my entire journey with you, and any other girls that may be having this problem as well. I would like to be able to help other women whilst simultaneously helping myself through this process.

What got my head spinning was not the fact that I wanted to particularly get my period back for the fun of it… duhh. But rather for the fact that I read a blog post about the effects that amenorrhea has on the bone density of girls who are my age (in the bouts of 18), younger, and older. Here is the blog post I read, but I will sum it up for you a little bit in order to not have to jump around so much.

  • Estrogen is important for bone health! But why?

The hormone estrogen is vital for bone production in women, due to the fact that it suppresses bone desorption, where the calcium leaves the bone and goes into the blood stream. Estrogen also prevents the osteoclasts inside the bone to break down the bone. It also helps the vitamin D receptors in the bone to receive the vitamin D in order to build the bone.

  • The time I got amenorrhea was the worst possible time…

40-50% of our bone density is accumulated through the time of puberty. 90% of it is accumulated by the time we are 18 (me). It reaches it’s peak soon after and stays that way until we are thirty, then the density starts to decrease by around 1% every year after that. Ouch.

  • Bone loss of women with amenorrhea is irreversible.

Nice. Not only do I have low bone density (most likely), but I have no time to get it back. Then I can’t even reverse it. Sucks to be Hannah Right now.

What do I do now?

I Have talked about this before in previous posts, but didn’t do what I said I would. I wasn’t taking amenorrhea seriously until I read the facts about bone loss. I want to be healthy going into the Marines. I refuse to be missing my period. Even if this means 2 months of no training. I will do it. I will succeed in getting my period back. It won’t take long if I go at it head-on.

Now I will be sharing my journey with you guys.

So here is the game plan.

  • No running ( except the occasional sprint with the Marines).
  • Eat at least 2300 calories per day.
  • Eat often. Small snacks every few hours.
  • Carbs. Fats. Chocolate. Less sugar, though.
  • Yoga in morning and night.
  • More time with God.
  • The occasional walk.
  • Strength training 4x per week (not intense)
  • 9 hours of sleep!
  • Relax. A lot. Blog!!!!!
  • Love my body. No matter what!!!

There is more, but those are some of the main points I would like to get at!

Another senior picture!
Another senior picture!

I will keep you guys updated! Thanks for following me on my journey! I truly appreciate it.

Phil. 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

Running outline

A new running plan


I thought I would say good morning with a pun.
I thought I would say good morning with a pun.

I woke up this morning with ambition to get a lot of nothing done today. So far, success is the only thing in sight! That is, until I go to work, in which case I have to get stuff done. Though breakfast was a success, to say the least!

Egg white omlete with spinach, mushroom, onions, and a bit of Swiss. One cannot forget the hot sauce. On eggs? Yes. On eggs. It is wonderful. I also had a few strawberries and cereal on the side. I love sweet stuff, so I could not leave that out!

yum food
Sorry about the bad lighting. I was in a rush to eat…..

Enough about my eating habits! On to my running habits!

I am no longer training for a race, but I am training to be a Marine, which is going rather smoothly, if I do say so myself. One thing I am missing, though, is running distance. I am doing plenty of sprints to keep up with the fit college guys I workout with, but I miss the good-old days of running for the fun of it!

Between lifting, Marine workouts, and rest days, I figure I can run three to four days per week.

I don’t know when these days will be, but I have devised a plan anyhow!

Running outline

Every Wednesday I have a workout with some other recruits, so my plan will most likely be based around that workout.

I will continue Crossfit whenever I can, but it will be a lot less than it used to be.

I hope this outline comes into use for you guys if you have literally no clue where to start!

Have a blessed day!


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