I finally bought a book! + HA update

I did it. I finally bought a book. I have had my eyes on it for such a long time, but have never gotten to actually reading it. I tried getting it from the library, but it was out, plus had 3 holds. No thank you. I have no patience. It is something to work on.


Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD

intuitiveSo far, I love the book! I am only on chapter 3, so I have not read too much into it, but I know that so far the information in this book can benefit anyone who has dieted, hates dieting, fails at dieting, or cannot diet any longer. I am in love.

I have been “dieting” since 8th grade, when I noticed that a change needed to be made to my eating habits, and pounds needed to be lost. This eventually led to eating disorders and hypothalamic amenorrhea. Both of which have effected my life in extreme ways.

I have learned that I am a “Professional Dieter”, which means that I have tried everything out there to take those last pounds off. None of which have worked. I now know everything that there is to dieting, and what each and every diet involves. I know calories, carbs, proteins, and fats like the back of my hand. I still, to this day, keep mental note of how much (in calories) I have eaten in my head, so that I don’t overeat. Nice. I need to stop.

I have also skimmed over the principals of intuitive eating, in order to get ready for the meaty part of the book.

I am in love with this book and the factual information that it provides for the reader, a recovering dieter!

As I read further into the book, I will keep you updated on what I learn.

For now, though, I will tell you a bit about how recovery has been going for me.

I am up 9 pounds, to start off with. I think, though, that I will just stop weighing myself. I find that I am unhappier when I weigh in. It reminds me of how much it is going to suck when training recommences. I have a better body-image, and a higher level of self-love than I did when I first started recovery. YAY!

I have been seeing clearer skin, which means that my estrogen levels have increased! Here is an article on how to tell where your hormones are at by pimple location. Now I am waiting for the pimples to appear again, which means that I have either ovulated, or I already ovulated, and my period is on its way!

My mood has been increased, sevenfold. No more odd mood swings that come on the instant I am hunger. I honor my hunger as soon as it comes on. I am not a perfect intuitive eater, but I am getting better at it. Right now I am just trying to get enough food in my system for my body to understand that I am “safe” again. I have been stuffing myself with almond butter and quest bars. I have been trying to give my body what it craves when it craves it. Plus some for weight gain. . . :))

I don't lose

I have also been trying to relax a lot. I gave been lifting weights on a regular basis, but I have not been running. At all. Which sucks, because I have a 1.5 mile test run for the Marines on Wednesday. I want to go and run 6 miles, no problem, and come home and eat like no tomorrow, because it is NOURISHMENT for my body! I love being hungry everywhere! I love being hungry in my belly after a run. I love being hungry in my whole body, in my legs, in my arms, elbows, toes, knees. I love the feeling of giving my body what it NEEDS after an intense run with the Marines! I miss it. So much.

Now I do yoga. Light lifting workouts. A little bit of HIIT with my coworker. Not a lot.

working out

Lastly, but not leastly, I have been praying, and developing a deeper relationship with Jesus. Life is good.

like as a christian

You all have a wonderful day!

I binged. Then lost 2 pounds.

Last night was chaotic at work (I waitress) to say the least, but I knew it would be that way. I prepared by carbing up with my god-daughter’s birthday cake from her 1st birthday party (way to cut down on sugar, right?).

Strategy. Saving some for later. I have a smart one on my hands, no?
They call this a carb-crash, soon to be followed by her second wind.
They call this a carb-crash, soon to be followed by her second wind.

Then went to my favorite coffeehouse for an espresso. (I am trying to cut down on caffeine as well, but in my defense I needed it.)

I have been in love with this place for the longest time. I cannot get enough of the Coffee!

So far so good. I went to work, ate a bit of food there. Still a normal day. Yada yada yada. Then I got home. I was suddenly overcome with the overwhelming urge to eat peanut butter. A craving they call it.


So I ate Rice Chex with protein powder and peanut butter mashed in. It sounds gross and looks gross. But it. Is. Amazing. Then I had another bowl. And another bowl. Then I had a PBJ Quest bar, microwaved 20 sec, and topped with more peanut butter. “Win” as they call it.


I went to bed content, though! I knew I was crazy active that day, and I needed calories. (I should add that earlier that day I did a personal training session with my co-worker, and I did the movements along with her.) I knew I would need anywhere from 3000-4000 calories to keep up with my day and prevent a calorie deficit. Peanut butter did the trick, if I do say so myself!

I probably ate anywhere from 3-4 tablespoons of PB, a cup of Chex, 1.5 scoops of MyoFusion Protein powder, and a half of a cup of almond milk. Plus the quest bar.

Now about the weight loss part. I decided to see what I weigh today, right when I woke up. The scale (which was last at 136.9) was at 133.2. WHAT?!

That means that from the start of my HA recovery, I have only gained 3.2 pounds. AFTER a binge. NICE!

You all have a grand day! I am off to work AGAIN! Then I shall see where life takes me from there!

Have a blessed day!

November Goals: Amenorrhea Recovery Edition

Aaaaand we are onto a new month again! Time flies when one stays busy.

Maybe that is a queue for me to start slowing down.

Nomber Goals1) Overcome Amenorrhea. This is what I have been devoting a lot of my thought, energy, and time to. I will continue to do this until I resume my period for three consecutive months. Even then, I will make sure that I am providing my body with the proper nutrients. I have been relaxing a lot and watching New Girl like I have nothing better to do. Lots of froyos, peanut butter, chocolate, and flax seed is being eaten. A LOT. I have gained 6 pounds now. It is not as much of a mental/emotional strain than it was the last time I overcame amenorrhea, mostly because I am less concentrated on my looks and more on resuming a normal period before shipment. I want to be able to work out like a Marine (while eating enough calories) and keep my period!

2) Take at least three walks per week. Walking is a perfect time for thinking, talking with God, enjoying nature, and getting in touch with my body without overworking it! These aren’t going to be very long walks, but long enough for my to clear my mind and pray for a reasonable amount of time. Maybe I will even invite a friend or two!

3) Eat more natural/less “chemicalized” food. The more I nourish my body, the more it will love me. Simple as that! Food is nourishment. To go along with this, I would also like to eat less sugar.

4) Love my body. Start complimenting myself, dancing, enjoying me for who I am, not what I look like!

5) Read four chapters out of the Bible on a daily basis. I would like to read the first thing in the morning, as well as right before sleep. This will be 1 chapter from the New Testament, 1 chapter from Psalms or Proverbs, and 2 chapters from the Old Testament. Solid plan, right?

6) Take 30 minutes before bed to pray, read from the Bible, and go over my day. I find this a perfect way to wind down after a long/stressful day.

That is all I have for you today!

“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.”

- Ephesians 1:18

Fat days.

I gained 5 pounds.

I feel like this right now....
I feel like this right now….

This doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like I gained a bowling ball. It actually kind of sucks.

My clothes don’t fit right.

clothes dont fit

Looking in the mirror almost hurts.


I am constantly stuffed with food. I try to eat a healthy diet, but eating at least 2500 calories worth of broccoli, spinach and chicken breasts is not easy. (JK, I eat a lot of peanut butter) I eat dense foods a lot, and they fill me up too, but I still need to make a mental note of getting those calories.

I think I might just call the calorie thing quits. It is frustrating to eat when I am hungry, not eat enough, then make a mental note of how much I ate at the end of the day to come to the conclusion that it was not enough, and I must eat more to make up for it.

I wake up every morning without the hunger I love so much. (weird, I know) I just want to be normal. I want to get my period. I want to be the weight I was a month ago. I want to run 10 miles with ease. I want to do sprints with the college Marine guys. I want to work out vigorously. I want to eat healthy and count my macronutrients.

I am stuck in an eating disorder mentality. And. It. Sucks. I will just stick with intuitive eating

I feel fat. When I feel fat, I do this:

~ I look in the mirror and tell myself that God made me, therefore I am beautiful, because everything he makes is beautiful.

~ I remind myself that I ran 13.1 miles in 2:00:17. Wow.

~ I remind myself that I am more than my looks.

~ I remind myself that I am healthy.

~ I am doing this for a reason: Overcome amenorrhea once and for all!

~ Screw you eating disordered mind!

Then my moment of “fatness” is over, and I admire my legs (my favorite physical asset of myself).

God loves me, and he reminds me of this every day. Why do I treat Him with such disrespect by hating the way He created me?

P.S. Sorry that this is all over, but I needed to vent.

Recovering with Happiness!

A big part of recovering from H.A. is staying relaxed and letting your body know that it is safe.

The reason we want to do this is because when we are stressed, our brains send out a hormone called cortisol. When this hormone is sent out, the hypothalamus stops sending GnRH, FSH, and LH to the ovaries. This inhibits them to produce estrogen and progesterone to make eggs, and reproduce properly. (This is in a nutshell)

Pituitaryadrenalfemale reproductive

So to reduce stress, we want the “happy hormones” to be sent to our hypothalamus, thus letting it know that it is in fact safe to reproduce, and our body is okay to hold another being inside of us. (Once again, in a nutshell)

Here Is what I want to do, and what I want you to do, if you are in the same boat.


  • I want to make a list of some things to do that make you happy! Go do at least one of them once a day.

For me, a few of these things include:

~ Reading. I can read for hours. Give me a couch, blanket, hot chocolate, and a good book. Life complete.

~ Cooking. Enjoy doing it now, then enjoy eating it later.

~ Music! Listening to happy music always lifts the mood. Consider doing this in the morning to start the day off right.

~ Coffee houses. I can sit in a coffee house for hours and read, or chat, or do homework, or blog.

just felt like adding this
just felt like adding this
  • Take time for yourself to think and sort out your day. This may help sort out any fuzziness that you have going on inside of your brain.
  • Appreciate something once a day. My aunt Laura told me something that she does that I will never forget. Every day, at least once a day, she takes a couple of minutes to appreciate something that she thinks is fun or cool or beautiful or admirable. A sunset. A hummingbird. A song. A painting. All of God’s world has a lot of things to admire. Go out and look. This gives me a sense of “There is more to the world than me, so why should I worry about myself so much?”
  • Eat foods that promote “happy hormones” –
  1. Grass Fed Beef
  2. Blue Potato
  3. Greek yogurt
  4. Sweet potato
  5. Bananas
  6. Chocolate
  7. Beets
  8. Salmon
  9. Beans
  10. Oysters
  11. Asparagus
  12. Cheese
  13. Honey
  14. Whole Grains
  15. Eggs
  16. Spinach
  17. Cherry Tomatoes
  18. Walnuts
  19. Coconut
  20. Turkey

Source: http://healthmeup.com/photogallery-healthy-living/fight-depression-20-best-foods-for-happiness/19143/12

The moral of the story is to do things that make you happy and relieve your stress. The more that we do this, the better it is for us! Give it time, and enjoy life!

God Bless!


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